Open letter to anyone who wishes to sell me insurance

To whom it may concern

Over the last year or so, I have received more phone calls from people of your ilk than I care to count. In the interests of saving both of us some time, allow me to make a few things clear:

1. Yes, I know and understand that your phone calls are recorded for quality assurance purposes, as well as my protection. I also know that this really means that the calls are being recorded so that your manager can listen to them later to make sure you’re not spending company resources on personal calls. If any query were to arise, I’m fairly certain the recording of the conversation will have been “lost”.

2. I’m well aware that your employer is an authorised financial services provider. While that’s an impressive sounding title, I’m sure they are not authorised to harass their clients by incessantly trying to sell them snake oil. But I know that’s not your fault, you’re just doing your job - like the Nazi soldiers who led the Jews to their demise in the gas chambers of Auschwitz.

3. I already have enough insurance.

4. I know that you’re not trying to sell me a replacement to any pre-existing policies I may have, but rather an additional coverage in the event of my death/illness/maiming/alien abduction or other unfortunate event.

5. I still have enough insurance.

6. I know that the nominal fee of X is a small price to pay for the peace of mind that comes from the knowledge that my loved ones will be taken care of in the event of my death/illness/maiming/alien abduction or other unfortunate event. This is why I am already paying said amount to another service provider – for that exact peace of mind.

7. I still have enough insurance.

I hope that once you have perused the above points, you will realise there is no point in phoning me. Unless you have some wildly different product that I may not already have bought - but the odds of that are quasistatic.

Feel free to just cross me off your list, and don’t bother picking up the phone. Just find yourself a real job, and stop being a soulless, corporate talking head.

Yours sincerely (and hopefully)

Love,
Owen