“Order! Order! I hereby call the 917th quasi-annual meeting of the Arbitrary Semantics Association to order!
First and only item on the agenda: Defining the word ‘people’.
As you all know, dear fellows, it has been debated for years now what qualifies as “people”. The generally accepted definition has been that any and all individuals of the species Homo Sapiens Sapiens are people. However, it has been suggested that this definition is inaccurate as other naturally occurring objects such as non-human animals, plants and rocks could also be considered humans from certain points of view.
Despite the fact that we all agreed last week that reptiles, mammals, fish and insects (but not birds) qualified as the new class of people called “Stupid People”, it has since come to our attention that that term is, in fact, already in use by some anthropologists to describe a human sub-set.
Therefore, we hereby decree that the following criteria must apply in order for an object to be classified as ‘people’:
1. It must speak French as a second or third language.
2. It must have been born on one of the following days:
Second-language French-speaking objects born on Thursday cannot be classified as ‘people’, as they have freckles.
Thank you all.
(In case you require an explanation, this skit is designed to express my distaste and newfound lack of enthusiasm regarding the whole “Pluto isn’t a planet anymore” extravaganza. Meh.)