This is a rule I had to employ a couple of years ago when I found myself in a state of running around after the people in my life, and I had to assert myself in order to maintain some dignity and self-respect.
It’s simple: if I’m trying to get hold of someone, I will make three attempts. Depending on the particular circumstances, I will choose the medium most likely to get to the person (usually SMS or voicemail)
If those attempts aren’t acknowledged (by that I mean SMS replied to or call answered), I won’t make another attempt until I hear from the person again.
I’ve found it to be most effective at weeding out the people who don’t really want to be around me, and at preventing me from becoming one of those pathetic people nobody wants to be around because they’re too needy.
I treat my friends in a particular way, and I expect the same treatment from them. If someone calls me, I will answer, or call back as soon as I can. If someone sends me an SMS, I will almost always reply, even if it’s just a one-word response like “OK” or “Cool”, just so they know I’ve received and read the message.
I understand that people aren’t always able to respond immediately, so I’m reasonable about it. If I miss once, I’ll try again a few hours later. If I miss again, I’ll wait till the evening, or the next morning before making another attempt. It’s silly to try three times in the space of five minutes… if they missed the first two, they’re most likely not going to get the third.
It’s unfortunate that I feel the need to have rules like this in my life. I wish it wasn’t necessary.
I think most people do this anyway. I know I get annoyed when some one doesn't answer their phone or call back (if I know that they are able to)... And, I do tend to not phone again until they do respond. Nobody wants to feel like they're the only ones making an effort!
ReplyDeleteI think that's the opposing viewpoint. If someone is important in my life, I will answer or acknowledge their call whether I'm in the mood or not.
ReplyDeleteI'm paranoid about my cellphone, because I don't want to miss it if someone important to me (like you, for example) tries to get hold of me.
Maybe I'm wierd that way, but that's how I am.
Cellphones are a major invasion of privacy. I especially hate it when I am with my boyfriend and one of us receives an sms or a call - simply because I value our time together and don't want to be disturbed. I don't always immediately respond to a missed call or sms, but never wait too long before I respond because I don't like being left hanging and don't want to do that to people that I care about. Everything in life is a two way street. Treat people how you want to be treate4d. And answering the phone during lovemaking is just not on!
ReplyDeleteI just want to state for the record here that I have never, and would never answer a call during lovemaking... there are limits. Please!
ReplyDeleteI don't know where that came from, but let's nip that in the bud RIGHT now.
I may be paranoid about my phone, but there are times when even I won't answer. However, I will return or ackowledge the call as soon as is reasonably possible after that.
Sorry, but that's not strictly true.
ReplyDeleteI hate to air dirtly laundry like this, but the fact is that on more than one occasion you've become agitated and even upset with me for not answering your calls or replying to your SMSs soon enough, even though it was through no fault of my own.
I concede that you're accustomed to me being always available or responding quickly, but you still get annoyed when you can't get hold of me... not happy.
What I'm getting at here is that I object to having to chase after people. I see a friendship as a reciprocal relationship... if I try to get hold of someone and fail, it's just common decency and good manners for that person to get back to me as soon as is reasonably possible.
I also concede that sometimes it's difficult... airtime and that sort of thing. I take that into account when trying to contact someone, as I said, I'm not unreasonable. I will be more flexible when it comes to dealing with someone whose only means of communication is a pre-paid cellphone. But I have very few friends like that... and for someone as plugged in as I am it's very easy to get me a message saying "I call you tomorrow" or something.
It all boils down to manners, which are a demonstration of respect and affection for the people in our lives.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, missjackie... I was beginning to think taz and I were crazy!
ReplyDeleteYip, I think people just have different expectations when it comes to stuff like this. It's difficult when you first meet as you're not sure of the person’s intentions by responding/not responding. But once you know the person well, you kind of realize that you will or will not get a response in a certain time frame... Also, once you know some one well enough you can crap them out for not responding when you thought they might and normally there’s a good enough reason for it. This person will also realize that you regard not responding after a certain time as being ignored and they will know that if they don’t respond (when they are able to) that you are going to feel this way and probably make more of an effort with you (as you are important) to avoid these feelings. Diversity in our social manner is what makes the human kind interesting. Otherwise we would be really boring, wouldn’t we?
ReplyDeleteI agree with the three strikes rule. I have plenty of "friendships" through the years that have been completely one sided. I was the one to write or call. Three strikes and then it's absolutely in the other person's hand for me. I would never not talk to the person if they called up out of the blue many moons later...but I would stop all effort on my end.
ReplyDeleteI don't like my electric leash on all the time. It's annoying. I frequently turn mine off when I'm at home and want some down time.